Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Terrible idea I love it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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