I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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