All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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