Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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