Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
