Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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