i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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