so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize