dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
