Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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