I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
