maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
