I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am one with the molecules
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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