Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
