She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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