shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
