So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it glows. i had to have it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
