at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize