two words: eviction party
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
