Its about making memories worth repressing
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
