I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
