you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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