ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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