like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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