but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
