Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
