She is in my trunk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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