How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
