If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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