He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
