just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
