my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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