I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
