You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
