I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
