I'm lost and stupid without you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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