this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
