i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
