I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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