i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
