Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
