Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
