would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
