forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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