I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
