now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
