what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
