I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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