In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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