Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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