yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
