in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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