So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
