Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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