I cannot find my penis.
one two three fourrrrnication!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
