Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
