I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
