I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
